Toys Can Be Fun Alone and With a Partner

A friend of mine came to me the other day and was upset.
Her long-term boyfriend was concerned when he realized that she had a number of
sex toys in the drawer next to her bed. Although they had previously used toys
during their relationship, he became intimidated by the new toys and other
accessories, one of which was larger in size than his penis.

This, my friends, is not uncommon! Often times partners
may feel intimidated by sexual accessories. They might wonder if their partner
prefers the toy to the real thing or may think “how can I compete with that
battery-operated and large device?” But the truth is, there is no competition!
Both men and women can get sexual pleasure from both another human and a toy!
So why not maximize the pleasure?

About 44% of adult women admit to using sex toys. People
use toys and other accessories for a number of reasons. Some couples bring in
sexual accessories to spice up their relationship. They can also be a great way
to begin a different type of communication with your partner and can open the
doors to greater intimacy and fun experimentation.

If you have never used any sexual accessories with your
partner and would like to, begin the conversation sensitively and explain some
reasons you would like to try something new. This doesn’t mean that you are not
satisfied with your current sexual relationship, and be clear about that when
talking with your partner. Also, let your partner know that using sex toys can
help make you more comfortable and aware of your body and its functions.

Approximately 38% of women admit to masturbating
regularly. And a large percentage of these women will sometimes utilize sex
toys to do so. Again, this does not mean that they prefer the toy to their
partner (if they are in a relationship), and it does not mean they are not
satisfied with their partner. Sexual toys and accessories
can
have very positive effects on your sexual health; They
can enhance a relationship and your sexual connection with your
partner.

The truth is, while sex toys such as vibrators and dildos
are great, they certainly cannot compare in many ways with a human being. A toy
cannot caress, cuddle, gaze into your eyes, change positions, or be intimate.

 

 

14 Comments on Toys Can Be Fun Alone and With a Partner

  1. Stephanie May
    January 29, 2010 at 6:02 am (7 years ago)

    I love what you said about talking about sex toys with sensitivity. You never know what questions or insecurities or curiosities your partner has. It seems like it is a great way to open up some important conversations.

    Reply
  2. ET
    January 29, 2010 at 6:41 am (7 years ago)

    Thanks, Dr. Rach!
    I couldn’t agree more. Personally, I’d never really used ‘sex toys’ per se until I got with my current beau (except for that hot pink strap on… but I digress). It’s a little embarrassing for an old broad to admit, but I’d gone my whole life without ever using a vibrator! But the Man of my Life now occasionally uses a vibrator or dildo in situations where it’s not really appropriate to whip out his… member, or where he’s otherwise occupied (think, watching TV). And, ok, so they’re often comically large. And they’re consistent and unflagging in their … stimulation. HOWEVER, a dildo or vibrator can never begin to approach the magical sensation of lovers making love. Ok, I hear maybe IV heroin users get off harder, but that doesn’t count (who wants to be a junky? besides, I was talking about LOVE here! and while we may feel dopey in love… ok nevermind). I understand that some women (probably most) use hardware when they masturbate. But let’s get serious. Masturbating is like eating a stale crust of bread when you’re hungry; being with a lover is like having a banquet at some restaurant with like a bunch of Michelin stars. And if it’s not, you may want to look into seeing other people or something. No seriously. There’s probably something else goin on that ain’t right in the relationship if y’all can’t get down. Right Dr. Rach? LOL.
    That said, I still totally understand where a guy might be coming from when he sees that ginormous dildo. It’s probably much like women feel when they dredge up a porn collection. That is, “how the eff am I ever supposed to measure up to THIS?! If that’s what really gets my partner off, then I’m doomed to not please him/her and must be sooo sexually inadequate!” It pushes all our buttons. And like, totally in the wrong way. Looking at things this way makes me realize that maybe there’s hope for me after all. LOL Because if guys feel stressed about sex toys (and they totally shouldn’t), maybe my feeling stressed about pornography is just as silly. Wouldn’t that be nice, gals?
    Thanks again Dr. Rachel!

    Reply
  3. Nicole
    January 29, 2010 at 9:15 am (7 years ago)

    One of the hardest ( no pun intended) conversations to have. Over the years i have found that asking for what I need is much more satisfying then hoping he knows;)

    Reply
  4. Marcy
    August 16, 2010 at 2:47 pm (7 years ago)

    How does one go about throwing a sex toy party ? Who is the the Tupperware lady? Who does one invite?

    Reply
  5. christian louboutin shoes
    May 15, 2011 at 11:52 pm (6 years ago)

    totally in the wrong way. Looking at things this way makes me realize that maybe there’s hope for me after all. LOL Because if guys feel stressed about sex toys (and they totally shouldn’t), maybe my feeling stressed about pornography is just as silly. Wouldn’t that be nice, gals?

    Reply
  6. sunglass oakley
    June 13, 2011 at 7:26 pm (6 years ago)

    I love what you said about talking about sex toys with sensitivity. You never know what questions or insecurities or curiosities your partner has. It seems like it is a great way to open up some important conversations.

    Reply
  7. tiffanys-jewelry
    July 12, 2011 at 2:43 am (6 years ago)

    When a guy can handle your flaws, love you on your moody days & kiss you when you don’t look great, he’s worth loving.

    Reply
  8. Christian Louboutin Outlet
    September 7, 2011 at 1:12 am (6 years ago)

    yes.
    I love what you said about talking about sex toys with sensitivity. You never know what questions or insecurities or curiosities your partner has. It seems like it is a great way to open up some important conversations.

    Reply
  9. RickStar
    September 21, 2011 at 4:29 pm (6 years ago)

    Hi Doc.. im glad you touched on Sex Toys in relationships .. Theres some people that believe Sextoys are a problem .. like if you need sextoys then your partner isnt pleasing you .. i disagree it adds the element of fun to a sometimes boring night :)

    Reply
  10. Rizal
    February 18, 2012 at 8:28 pm (5 years ago)

    Are YOU tnriyg to get out of it? or are you afraid HE will try to get out of it? Well obviously this isn’t a genuine relationship so it doesn’t seem like anybody even cares, it doesn’t even matter.

    Reply
  11. Timotius
    August 14, 2012 at 3:46 pm (5 years ago)

    He should jerk of twice brfeoe you have intercourse.That way he will last way longer.If that does not even help a visit to the urologist is a must.He can fix this.Success:I am so sorry for you,you have no idea:Sky.

    Reply
  12. Tute
    August 16, 2012 at 5:30 pm (5 years ago)

    Remember, people are hard-wired to potercare a LOT. Men are created to spread their seed to as many women as possible. That’s evolution at work, that’s how the species carries on. Actually that’s an antiquated conceptualization of evolutionary psych: the parental investment model. Strategic pluralism is an updated model which stipulates that women are similarly programmed to seek out multiple partners, we’re just a bit more covert and malicious about it. Women seek out daddy types men who we perceive to be good, long-term caretakers who will be around to raise our offspring. Once we’ve got those guys on lock, we cheat with the narcissistic, good-looking cads the ones who are more overtly doing a multiple-partner thing and get the dominant genes from them. So we keep the daddies around to raise our genetically questionable offspring and hope that the kids got the good genes. I know it’s a little Machiavellian, but it makes me feel better about being a female in what’s typically understood to be a male-dominated, parental investment world.

    Reply
  13. Nurfaidah
    August 16, 2012 at 7:20 pm (5 years ago)

    t.j,what role do you play in the pattern that seems to fololw you? are you initially attracted to the clingy women later to be feel overwhelmed by constant attention? does this remind you of your relationship with any of your parents? often people get into a relationship with a particular type person to work out their own issues without realizing that consciously.if you have a pattern of who you date, that says something about your own personal dynamicsare there signs that you miss/disregard/ignore early on?what is your family’s history of relationships?you play a role in who you chose to be with you so the question you need to ask yourself is why do i mainly chose a particular type of woman?good luck!this is information about you and only you can answer these questions truthfully.

    Reply
  14. glass dildo
    October 16, 2012 at 9:00 pm (5 years ago)

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    Reply

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