If there’s one gripe most guys have about the women they’re with, it’s that she just doesn’t put out like she used to. In the beginning, their sex life played out like a scene from, but over time, it fizzled into something closer to. These days, brushing shoulders in the hallway on the way to the bathroom is about as close as they get to intimacy.

What many guys don’t realize, though, is that the real problem might not be a lack of sex, but a lack of touch. Now, before you go charging over to your significant other and start honking her boobs or grabbing a fistful of ass, hoping a little groping will have her shimmying out of her panties, let’s pump the brakes. The kind of touch we’re talking about here is non-sexual. Yep, you heard that right. I know that might sound like a foreign concept to some of you horny hounds eager to fast-track it to Pound Town, but it just might be the missing piece standing between you and a far more satisfying sex life.

“My ex-husband never touched me unless he wanted sex. There was no affection.”

—Alison

But first, what the heck is non-sexual touch anyway? Is it like eating pasta that’s non-GMO? Not even close, you hippies. Non-sexual touch is just what it sounds like: physical contact between couples that doesn’t end with her legs pinned behind her ears. It’s a simple gesture of love that does wonders for keeping relationships strong and intimacy alive. The best part is that it’s the one time a guy doesn’t have to worry about locating the clit. It’s literally the easiest thing on the planet, and yet somehow, men everywhere still manage to screw it up. “My ex-husband never touched me unless he wanted sex,” Alison, 38, tells HUSTLERMagazine.com. “There was no affection.”

This is hands-down one of the biggest complaints most women have in long-term relationships. Their partners get so comfortable—so downright complacent—that they start treating the relationship like all the “lovey-dovey” crap is already done, and figure she no longer needs reassurance that she’s a cherished creature, like she did back in the day. This is dead wrong. When we asked women about the importance of non-sexual touch, they all agreed it makes a world of difference. “A hug is sometimes all it takes,” Jill, 32, tells us. Other affection-starved femmes we spoke with mentioned that touch can come in the form of “cuddling,” “forehead kisses” and “holding hands.” It’s basically any contact that makes them feel cared for and loved that doesn’t result in their pussies getting blasted for three and a half minutes followed by some grunting.

Don’t worry, guys, you’ll get plenty out of this, too. Research shows that non-sexual touch isn’t just nice for the person on the receiving end. It’s just as beneficial for the one dishing it out. A few studies have found that both partners experience lower heart rates and reduced anxiety from this kind of physical contact. In other words, it adds a sense of calm and security to the relationship. There’s one catch, though. Couples who were already happy saw more of these benefits than those who were already halfway out the door. That means consistency is everything when it comes to non-sexual touch. You can’t just start handing out hugs and back rubs only when you think it’ll score you relationship points, or some action. It doesn’t work that way. Non-sexual touch needs to become part of your daily life if you want to build the kind of emotional connection that keeps a relationship thriving and out of divorce court.

Dr. Rachel Needle, licensed psychologist and co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes, tells HUSTLERMagazine.com that non-sexual touch is one of the most underrated elements of emotional intimacy. “It communicates affection, safety, connection and love—all without saying a word or expecting anything in return,” Dr. Needle says. “When partners engage in touch that isn’t explicitly sexual—like holding hands, a hug from behind while doing dishes or a gentle shoulder rub—it strengthens the emotional bond and keeps the relationship warm and connected.”

And yet, this is exactly where so many people get it wrong. They assume intimacy starts in the bedroom, when in reality, it begins in all the little moments spent fully clothed. “Non-sexual touch is the foreplay of emotional connection. A casual hand on the lower back, a kiss on the forehead, or cuddling without an agenda says, I’ve got you, and I’m not just in this for sex—I’m in this says Dr. Needle. “When non-sexual touch is part of your everyday life, it builds trust, security, and keeps that spark alive—even when life gets messy, stressful or just plain busy.”

“A light touch on the lower back, a hand on the knee while sitting together, or a kiss on the forehead can go a long way. You don’t have to make a big production out of it.”

— Dr. Rachel Needle

The best part is that non-sexual touch almost always leads to better sex, even if that’s not the direct intention. The challenge, though, is that many men—especially those who haven’t been regularly affectionate—aren’t sure how to reintroduce it without it feeling forced. Dr. Needle insists it’s never too late. In fact, showing a renewed effort to be more affectionate can actually signal emotional maturity. It tells your partner that you’re still all in, they’re still loved and this thing you’ve built together is worth nurturing.

Taking that first step can feel awkward, but it doesn’t have to be. “A light touch on the lower back, a hand on the knee while sitting together, or a kiss on the forehead can go a long way,” Dr. Needle says about diving into the world of non-sexual touch. “You don’t have to make a big production out of it.”

The point isn’t to get to sex, it’s to show love. And yes, it might feel weird at first. “Being honest and saying, ‘I’m trying to be more affectionate, and it’s a little new for me,’ or, ‘I read somewhere that women love forehead kisses… I’m conducting research,’ can actually make your partner feel even more connected to you,” Dr. Needle says.

And if all else fails, a little vulnerability goes a long way. Owning up to the fact that you should’ve been more affectionate this whole time, well—that’s hot. “Affection is attractive,” Dr. Needle says. “And non-sexual touch isn’t the opposite of sexy—it’s the part that makes sex feel like more than just a workout. It’s the tease. The connection. The reminder that you still choose each other, every day.”

And if you ever need a reminder, always keep in mind the immortal words of the legendary Jim Morrison: “Come on, now, touch me, babe…”