Posted on THEM

How to Clean Up Before Sex, According to Experts

Our culture is far more obsessed with pre-sex cleanup than it needs to be.

By Ian Kumamoto
June 4, 2026

In all my years as a participant in gay sex, I’ve found people talk about few things with more horror than “painting,” or unwillingly leaving traces of poop during penetration. In many circles, painting has become the ultimate signifier of shame and the hallmark of a “bad” bottom, creating a climate of extreme butthole anxiety. It’s not just anal sex, either. Cleaning up before sex is a major topic of discussion in the queer community, from trimming your bush to what products you should be using to clean the most intimate parts of your body. There’s a lot of misinformation out there about pre-sex hygiene, particularly how often we should be doing it.

We spoke to sex experts and medical professionals about how to clean up before sex, and they all agreed on one thing: Our culture is far more obsessed with pre-sex cleanup than it needs to be. Many times, the concern is psychological, because nobody wants to accidentally turn a sexy moment into a stinky one. Regardless of what’s going through your head before the act, here is how to “clean up” properly before sex, according to experts.

If you have a vagina, gently wash your vulva and generally avoid douching altogether — with a few exceptions.

All experts we spoke to agree that vaginal douching causes more harm than good. It disrupts the vaginal microbiome and pH, increasing the risk of yeast infections and bacterial vaginosis. “Pussy is supposed to smell and taste like pussy,” Allison Kent, a licensed clinical social worker and relationship and sexuality counselor, tells Them.

Washing the vulva with mild, unscented soap and water is usually enough. “If someone is using products internally, it’s important to be cautious and avoid harsh chemicals, fragrances, or excessive cleansing,” says Dr. Rachel Needle, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes.

A good general rule to keep in mind is that less is more. “You should scrub and clean the mons pubis and outside of the outer labia with soap, and use water only for the rest of the vulva,” says Tara Michaela, a queer sex educator and Founder of The Youth Sexpert program. If you’re unsure what soap to use, she suggests looking for the gentlest cleanser possible, particularly if you’re prone to yeast infections or bacterial vaginosis.

There is one important exception: “For people who are trans, nonbinary, or intersex and have had a vaginoplasty, there are some specific hygiene routines and guidance that comes from a medical team that does include douching,” says Byrd Aruna, a sexuality educator.

If you douche anally, tread lightly and don’t use tap water.

According to Dr. Evan Goldstein, surgeon and founder of Bespoke Surgical, anal douching is actually unnecessary in most cases. “Unless you currently feel the urge to go to the bathroom, your rectum is likely void of any stool because stool is stored higher up in the sigmoid colon, well beyond the area involved in most anal sex,” he says.

If douching helps you feel more comfortable, Goldstein recommends using a small bulb douche with gentle pressure, plenty of lubricant on the nozzle, and only a small amount of liquid. He also advises against using tap water, which can disrupt the anal microbiome and irritate rectal tissue. Instead, use an isotonic, iso-osmolar, pH-balanced solution designed specifically for anal use. Afterwards, wait 30 to 60 minutes to allow any remaining liquid to flush out of your system, which will prevent you from squirting liquid during sex. For many people, simply washing the external anal area with soap and water should be enough.

Diet and hydration ultimately matter more than douching.

It’s not nearly as sexy as flushing liters of water up your butt, but if your goal is to avoid painting, what happens outside the bathroom may actually matter more than what happens in it.

Diet, hydration, stress, timing, and anxiety all affect bowel movements and how confident you feel during sex. Contrary to popular belief, you do not need to starve yourself for hours before bottoming and in fact, a fiber-rich diet (think: leafy greens, lean protein) and adequate hydration are often more effective than repeated douching. According to Goldstein, fiber and water help the rectal canal clean itself out by promoting well-formed stool that passes more easily and completely, leaving behind less residue.

If you’re still feeling anxious, some people use a toy beforehand as a practical test. If everything looks clean when you take it out, chances are you’ll be fine during sex.

Experts say it’s also worth examining the anxiety itself. “Sometimes people become so anxious about being perfectly clean or smelling a certain way that it actually increases shame, avoidance, or disconnection during intimacy,” says Needle. “Feeling comfortable, safe, and present with a partner is often far more important than striving for unrealistic standards created by porn or social media.”

Air out your bush every now and then.

People also tend to have strong opinions about bush. “Pubic hair is a natural feature of the human body that exists for good biological reasons, like protecting the genitals from friction and acting as a barrier against bacteria and pathogens,” says Aruna.

Bush is one of those things that is a matter of personal preference and comfort, with some pretty basic rules to keep in mind. “If you prefer to let your bush grow untamed, it is courteous to take a shower before sex to remove any lingering odors or debris,” says Kent. “Not your natural scents, but things like discharge, toilet paper, or residual urine or feces that might have gotten trapped.”

People with pubic hair may also be more susceptible to ingrown hairs, particularly under tight clothing. Excess moisture can increase the likelihood of fungal infections or bacteria growth. If you’re worried about bush creating funky smells, exfoliation and airing out the pubic area occasionally, such as by sleeping without underwear if you feel comfortable, can help.

Ultimately, experts say most people are cleaning far more aggressively than they need to be. If anxiety about hygiene is driving your clean up routine, it may be worth examining where that anxiety is coming from. For vaginas, gentle washing with warm water and mild soap is usually enough, and for anal sex, daily habits like diet and hydration tend to matter more than obsessively douching. Trust your body’s ability to clean itself: She knows what she’s doing.