Orgasms: 8 Ways to Increase Your Chances of Having the Big One
DECEMBER 17, 2010 5:50 AM
Orgasms! It’s such an appropriately fun-sounding word, isn’t it? But having an actual orgasm during sex isn’t always easy. If you’re interested in upping your chances of having an orgasm during your next hooking up session (um, who isn’t?), click on through for some very expert advice on the matter.
When we last chatted with bona fide sexpert Dr. Rachel Needle, she gave us a very helpful beginner’s guide to anal sex. Dr. Needle is a Licensed Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist in private practice. She’s also a contributor at Positive Friends, a social networking site for those with sexually transmitted infections. She was thrilled to chat about orgasms and how to increase our chances of reaching them. Take it away, doc….
Everyone wants the Big O! We all know there are many factors that can dampen your groove, like a cold wet blanket. These can include anger and resentment towards your partner, having an inexperienced partner, feeling out of touch or not comfortable with your own body or sexuality. Here are eight hot tips that will increase your chances of achieving an earth-shattering orgasm with your partner:
__1. Get to know yourself and your body! __ What turns you on? Self-knowledge is a handy tool, especially as it relates to the sensitive areas of your genitals. Many women are uncomfortable with their vaginas and some couldn’t even pick their own out of line-up. Explore your genitals by looking in a mirror and by touching, if you feel comfortable doing so. Once you accept and acknowledge your own genitals, you will find it helpful in relaxing with your partner. In addition, by getting to know the sensitive parts of your genitals you can communicate what you like to your partner. This trick will pique your arousal for sure!
2. Stay in the Moment/Stay focused! Do you find yourself distracted during sex? Are you rehearsing that big work day tomorrow, editing your grocery list, or reworking your schedule as you try to be sexual with your partner? If so, you are much less likely to be able to awaken your inner animal and have that terrific orgasm. Or maybe you’re playing amateur cinematographer, trying to line yourself up in an appealing way to your partner’s gaze. If so, you’re engaging in what we call “spectatoring”. Spectatoring is observing and evaluating your body and performance during sexual activity. We’ve all had those moments when we’ve asked ourselves, “Do I look fat in this position?” The fall into spectatoring is the fall out of focusing on you and your partner’s sensate experiences in the moment. They say the journey from the head to the heart is a long one. We’re here to tell you that, if you get stuck in your head during sex, the journey to your g-spot is even longer! Savor every stroke, lick and touch!
3. Think sexy thoughts! What’s the largest human sex organ? The biggest, dreamiest sex organ is the brain. Try to bear that in mind. Your thoughts significantly impact your ability to orgasm. As previously mentioned stay focused on your partner and every touch in order to become more excited. You may also allow yourself to fantasize, whether it be about being in a different location or a situation that was once really exciting to you…just use your imagination.
4. Communicate! Communicate with your partner about what it is you like and what feels good and pleasurable. Don’t be embarrassed to give a guy a little direction. And girl, if you don’t think he’s all that in the sack, consider what you’re giving him to work with. Men are not mind readers. Remember: great listeners make great lovers! If you’re willing to communicate what you like and how you like it, and if he’s willing to listen… watch out, world! You may be spending more time in bed. Isn’t it a turn-on when youfind you can make him feel good? So wouldn’t it also be a turn-on for him to know what really rings your chimes? Don’t be afraid to get specific: lighter, harder, faster, slower, right there, don’t stop, etc. And if you are afraid, do it scared! Believe me, the pay-offs will be so worth it.
5. Stay out of the results! If you spend all of your energy focusing on whether or not you’re going to have an orgasm, then you may miss the boat completely. In other words, experience the build-up of sensations instead of focusing solely on the orgasm. It is important to focus on the sensations and on what feels good. Stop focusing on a goal!
6. Try a different position… and then try another! Women differ widely as to their preferred type of physical stimulation to facilitate orgasm. Many women require clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. Find a position that either facilitates clitoral stimulation, manual or otherwise. One type of position is placing the woman on top. This allows you to control the pace and depth of thrusting and gain easy access to the clitoris for you or your partner to touch. Also, you can grind your pelvic bone against your partner in order to stimulate your clitoris. Try slight alterations in any sexual position to stimulate different areas of your vagina. For example, when in the missionary position with your partner on top, put a pillow under your butt, put your legs on your partner’s shoulders and lift your hips up. This will allow your partner to penetrate you more deeply and thrust more easily. Sex is like playtime for adults, so keep an open-mind and stay creative!
7. Although we touched on this earlier, I want to emphasize that staying connected with your partner is key! Enjoy your partner’s pleasure. Tune in to your partner’s sensations, reactions, and responses. It gets you out of your head. Seeing someone else get excited and aroused can help you to become more aroused.
8. Consult a professional. If you are still struggling with sexual response including having an orgasm, contact a local professional who specializes in helping individuals with sexual concerns. You can locate a Psychologist or Mental Health Counselor with expertise in sexuality via aasect.org or sstarnet.org.
Please keep in mind that these are general suggestions and may not be effective given your individual situation. All women are different so what makes one reach orgasm may not necessarily work for another. Make it a point to keep the lines of communication open with your partner about what you like and what feels good, and be open to trying different positions and techniques. Get out there and have fun, ladies!
Thank you Dr. Needle!__
How important are orgasms in your sex life? Do you have them pretty regularly? Or would you like to have them more often? What techniques have you tried to help you reach orgasm with a partner?