Remember Dr. Rachel Needle’s steamy sex tips from last week? She’s back with six tips to help you and your man get out a relationship rut. Read on for her expert advice!
Dr. Needle says…
When you’re in a relationship, it is easy to get stuck in a rut. Stress, medical illnesses, hormonal changes, children and finances among other things can all interfere with sexual desire and passion in a relationship. So is there hope? Absolutely!
1) Ditch the myth. Get rid of the myth that these things should just happen spontaneously and that there is something wrong with you or the relationship because you are not all over each other every minute, as when you began the relationship. The truth is that you have to put in time and energy, and make a conscious effort to sustain the relationship and the passion.
2) Communicate. It is important to communicate with your partner period. But be sure to communicate what it is you like and what feels good and pleasurable, as well as about your fantasies. Taking that risk and being vulnerable can lead to increased closeness and excitement.
3) Try something new! Commonly, couples get into a sexual routine and adopt a fairly predictable sexual script. Try changing things up to spice up the romance. Some ideas are: role-play (or dress up) and enact a fantasy, change the scenery, introduce new objects (food or sex toys) into your sexual activity. Also consider going to a workshop together or seeing a certified sex therapist. Therapy is not necessarily reserved for an identified “problem,” but can be about education, growing and personal development as well as trying something new.
4) Plan time together! Many refer to this as date night; what is most important is to just set aside time to spend together that is free of distraction. This allows you and your partner to reconnect, enjoy being with each other and focus your attention just on each other.
5) Schedule sexual activity! Plan time to engage in sexual activity with each other and write it in pen in your datebook. There is a myth that sex should be spontaneous. Life can get busy and things can get in the way of being physically intimate with your partner. Planning ahead can build anticipation and excitement. Prioritizing intimacy and scheduling time together can maintain the health of the relationship.
6) Get in touch with your own sexuality! Exercise is a great way to increase your sexual desire and pleasure and to feel sexier. Read an erotic novel, watch a sexy movie or a pornographic video. Think about times when you were most sexually excited. Fantasize about them and see where your mind and body take you. You may even write out a script of a fantasy to share with your partner. Masturbate (if you feel comfortable doing so). Introduce new fantasies, condition and accessories. Masturbate even at times when you might not be feeling desire. Set aside time to do so.
Lastly, keep in mind that these are general suggestions and may not be effective given your individual situation. Please recognize that there is no formula or quick fix, but try these suggestions to spice things up in the present.
Thanks again Dr. Needle!
Have you ever found yourself in a relationship rut? What helped? And what didn’t?