Telling Your Woman What You Want In Bed
Your woman is awesome. She’s beautiful, smart, funny, and incredibly sexy. Yet when it comes to sex, she leaves a lot to be desired and you feel that it’s time you told her what you wanted in the ways of all things sex.
Of course, there is no time limit on when you should discuss what you’d like in bed, but as I see it, the discussion about sex should start well before you see your first bed together. That way, you can understand what she’s all about when it comes to sexual endeavors.
But chances are you’re already with the one you want, and yet you feel like things could use a little upgrading and you’re ready to swing from the chandeliers. But do you know how to go about bringing up the topic without making her feel like she’s inadequate? Well, worry not, for David is here to ensure that your sex life improves rather than diminishes altogether.
Sex Is Ego
If there’s one topic that could knock someone off their pedestal, it’s telling them what they’re doing wrong in bed. So before you start making your list, keep in mind that you have to approach this sensitive subject with tact and caution.
It doesn’t matter whether you’ve been together three times or have been in a relationship for four years; if you want to be happy and ensure a solid relationship, sex is one aspect of the relationship that simply must be discussed.
But before I even go into detail about what you should say, I have to warn you that you should never start discussing what you’d like to change about your sex life when you’re getting ready to make love. Otherwise, you’ll be left holding your bulging testicles in writhing pain.
How To Let Her Know
Many people will tell you that flattery won’t get you anywhere, but that is the furthest thing from the truth. Flattery is your biggest ally when discussing bedroom issues. And you will use it to your advantage.
Tell her what you like: Before you start with your “you’ve been biting my penis lately” banter, make sure you tell her what you appreciate about her lovemaking know-how. Always use the word “I” to communicate what you’re feeling rather than the accusatory “you.”
Example: Honey, I love that thing you do with your tongue when you go down on me, it makes me feel so sensitive that it hurts a little when you use your teeth. So can you continue doing that tongue thing? I love it…
Play sexual games: If you want to be able to tell her what you like without offending her, get her to tell you what she wants you to do first. Do whatever she requests and there’s no way she’ll deny your request (unless of course, you’re well versed in the school of scatology).
Example: Baby, what do you say we play sexual dare or double dare (avoid “truth” at all costs)? You go first, tell me anything you want me to do and I’ll gladly perform for you.
Ask her what she wants: When you’re chilling out talking about anything and everything, ask her about sexual things like her fantasies, if she likes it when you lick her fast or slow, if she wants you to manipulate her clitoris more… That will definitely prompt her to reciprocate the question.
Example: Sweetness, would you prefer it if I penetrated you with my tongue or spent more time on your clitoris? Oh, your clitoris? Me? Well, since you asked, I’m a big fan of tea bagging…
She’s Not Bad
Your woman doesn’t have to be terrible in bed for you to want to communicate about sex. Preferences are just as important. Vanilla sex is great, but if you want to try something new, you should let her know.
So long as your desire is not to jump from missionary style sex to an all-out orgy, gradual changes won’t be hard for her to swallow. As well, be careful how you broach the topic; the last thing you want is for her to suspect that some other woman has introduced her finger to your butt and now you want to share this experience with her.
If she does get suspicious as to your newfound preferences, all you have to do is be honest and let her know that (don’t say the following unless it’s the truth) since you plan on spending the rest of your life with her, you want to experience everything with her.
Watch Your Tone Mister
When discussing sex, your tone should be relaxed and fun. Don’t turn it into an argument and if you notice that she starts getting upset for any reason, ask her why. Listen to her and explain that your intent is not to hurt her but rather enrich your sex lives.
Tell her that you know you’re not perfect and if there’s anything she wants you to do, you’d be more than willing to fulfill her desires. And always remember that it’s easier to avoid an argument if you gently place your hand on her body. Physical contact lets her know that you’re not attacking her.
But on the topic of her revealing what she wants, be prepared to hear things you may not want to hear. If you go into a sex conversation with the intent of revealing what you’d like done differently, chances are that she will have a thing or two to say as well.
The point is that communication is very important no matter what you’re talking about so start honing your skills when it comes to talking about what you want.
What To Avoid
Although I’m certain that by now you know the difference between what’s acceptable and what’s not, I think it’s still necessary to make it clear that there are things you should not say under any circumstances. Here are a few:
My ex used to spend every night on her knees for me. Even if it is true, making any reference to past lovers or girlfriends will bring you nothing but misery. After all, how would you feel if she told you that her ex used to last for an hour when it came to sex?
Asia Carrera likes it when guys give her a creamy facial. Pornography is not like real life — get used to it. Sure there are women that love the nasty stuff, but to use it as a way to plead your case is not the way to go. Leave the porn out of it.
You bite. You scratch. You put all your weight on me… Criticism is one thing, but if all you’re doing is going down a list of what’s wrong with her sexual antics, she won’t be a happy camper, nor will she feel very sexy. Stick with what she does well, and sometimes when you’re in the heat of the moment and she starts digging her nails into your flesh, pull her hands away. She’ll get the message without your having to say a word.
It’s A Sexual Thing
It’s difficult to find a partner who knows exactly what to do in the bedroom, so more often than not, you will have to fill them in on what you like. And it doesn’t have to be a torturous experience either; you can have fun discovering what the other likes.
And there’s nothing more exciting than discovery… after all, don’t you remember playing doctor with the neighbor’s daughter when you were a kid?